November: Learning to be a Better Surfer

One of the challenges I’ve been enjoying most is calling someone once a week and telling them the impact they’ve had on my life. Every single call has inevitably had a moment of tears from me (no surprise). Most of my calls have been to people I haven’t kept in regular touch with over the years, which inevitably leads to a wonderful catch up (also no surprise). In a number of calls, I have received words of wisdom - small treasures, really - that really make my brain tickle or give me an anchor to keep hold of (these always surprise me).

In one of my recent calls, a very dear friend dropped one such nugget of gold: “Life is all about learning to be a better surfer. Sometimes you hit the wave head on, sometimes you let the wave pass, sometimes you dive under the wave, and sometimes you get to ride the wave.”  

November started out great! I took a phenomenal pottery class with some neighbor friends. We made a date night of it - dinner, drinks, and two of the three of our first time wrangling clay (I’m 100% sure that’s NOT pottery slang). I managed to come out of the class with two small bowls, both of which I kept and am VERY excited to use once I get them back from the Pottery Lab.

And then, the November wave hit – hard. A rotating door of illnesses swept through the house: strep throat, fevers, colds, stomach bugs (yes, plural), and pink eyes (again, plural). Work picked up drastically. Tobin protested bed time and naps and just sleep in general. Plans to accomplish challenges squashed. 

Honestly, I spent a good chunk of the month annoyed. But, as all solid words of wisdom do, I couldn’t shake “life is all about learning to be a better surfer”. I was getting caught in the eddies of not following my plan, feeling the self-imposed pressure of falling behind, and letting myself spiral (I know, I’m mixing surfing and kayaking metaphors). I was being a terrible surfing student, trying to push against the weight of the ocean as if I could move it myself.

I’m coming to realize that a major part of aging really means gaining enough wisdom to recognize the patterns of our mental/emotional traps in hopes of escaping them more quickly so we’re able to enjoy riding more of the waves. The Type A, first born daughter, planner, Virgo perfectionist in me wanted to do more, stick to my plan. But the wave hit me head on, so what I can do for the months (and really, life) ahead is practice letting it go and remember that other waves are coming - some of which I’ll get to ride and feel in the flow again. 

Onward to December! 

Tasks finished this month (for those of you following along on the list): 

Pottery class

3 out of 12 monthly date nights 

10 out of 50 weekly impact calls

6 of 40 “purple couch” conversations

3 of 40 written memories

BONUS SECTION: We did get to see (with the naked eye!) the Northern Lights here in Boulder this month and it. was. AWESOME!

October: Past, Present, and "Who I'm Becoming"

October is for birthdays in our house. In addition to basically an entire month of celebrations, I did manage to complete some challenges (for those of you following along on the list). I spent a really lovely kid-free afternoon at Strawberry Hot Springs in Steamboat with my mom (challenge #1). We got to spend a whole bunch of quality time together hiking and relaxing in the hot spring pools below the golden glow of the few remaining aspen leaves. It was dreamy.

Fueled by birthday cake sugar and the official passage of another year around the sun for Bryan and the kids, October also became the month the idea of aging hit me right between the eyes.  

While recording a video conversation about our friendship (challenge #2), one of the questions we discussed was “In what ways has our friendship shaped who each of us is becoming.” Becoming. Becoming. Who am I becoming? The phrase invites you to envision and intentionally work toward the person you want to be. I have to be honest, I clammed up a bit. 

We ask Maddie and Tobin, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”. As expected, the answer is centered around jobs - or being Elsa from Frozen. But how do you decide who you want to become when you’re entering middle-age?

I have long-known about myself that the unknown, that the concept of the “sky is the limit” or “the possibilities are endless” overwhelms me - there’s a famous family story that I cried when I turned 10 because I “didn’t know what double-digits would feel like”. I am a root-planter, a feet-firmly-on-the-ground kind of gal. I often focus more on who I am in this present moment and how I arrived here instead of dreaming of possibilities with my head in the clouds. My gratitude practices often focus on who and what helped shape the “today” me. 

After our conversation, I spent half of October wrestling with “who am I going to be”, the future me. What goals should I be setting, when should I start on them, how do I know if I am on the “right” path, is 40 too old to pivot, what if I fail? (< full ownership there’s more therapy work to be done there) 

This month, we also completed our family time capsule (challenge #3) to be opened at Maddie's High School graduation in 2039. As a refresher, a time capsule is a freezing of this moment in time for your future self to revisit. In putting the box together, I giggled a whole bunch over items of our current little-kid life (see Maddie's self-portrait below). But a time capsule is also a vehicle for giving your current self a moment to think about your future. I also did a plethora of envisioning Bryan and I with 18-year old and 15-year old children. I also did PLENTY of ugly crying that our dog Piper wouldn’t be with us by that time (#stillbawling).   

In a letter to my future self, I wrote plenty of comments on my current life status (spoiler: I’m in a super great spot). I also wrote down a few hopes, intentions, goals. I didn’t spend time over-thinking them, I didn’t twist myself into knots about what they “should” be. Instead, I just started writing, and out came my answer to who I want to (and already am) become: someone who is healthy and happy, who has strong relationships with my husband, my family and my friends, who can sit in the warmth of the sunshine, laugh often, and be open to the magic life sends my way. 

In the end, October taught me that this 40-for-40 challenge is a perfect balance of past, present, and future. You all have given me the doorway in which to stand to both look back AND look forward. I can also lean into the trust that the path forward is going to be just fine - even when I have to pivot or fail - because I have you all as my roots.

Onward to November!

Tasks finished this month: 

A day at a hot springs, kid free

Video record a conversation together based on experiences of OUR friendship

Family Time Capsule (to be opened at Maddie’s High School Graduation, 2039)

2 out of 12 monthly date nights 

7 out of 50 weekly impact calls

5 of 40 “purple couch” conversations

September: Through Lines and Magic

On the phone this week, a friend asked me about a deeper facet of this 40 for 40 project: “What’s the message your people are sending you?” (disclaimer: it’s about to get heady). 

There is some magic happening behind the scenes of this journey - everything feels perfectly placed, feels fluid, as if you all, unbeknownst to one another, have crafted a special, life-changing journey for this year. From day one, I’ve done a lot of reflecting on the metaphysical energy and the through lines - beyond just turning 40 - of this whole endeavor. Here’s what keeps coming up:  

Number One: Growing adoration. For the existing beauty in my own life, but also for all of you. What has been an unexpected surprise is the new layer of fondness I develop, the skips of joy in my heart, as I get to know new sides of you all through these tasks. You’re all such cool people. I am in awe of you. I’m forever grateful to call you my community. 

Number Two: Reflections and new beginnings. A full moon paddle board was the first list item I completed of this project, and what a tone the experience set! September’s full moon is known as the Harvest Moon. The moon rose rich amber over the horizon, covered by a partially cloudy night, beautiful in a way no picture could ever capture (side note: one of my favorite John Mayer songs is about living outside of a 3x5). Spiritually, the Harvest Moon symbolizes abundance, gratitude, and completion. It is the transition from summer to autumn, a period of balance between light and dark, and an invitation for reflection, setting intentions, and letting go of old patterns. If that’s not a symbol for this transition into a new era of my life, I don’t know what is! 

Number Three: Human connection is magic. This weekend, a very dear friend and I checked off hiking Mt. Sanitas to watch the sunrise. After a gorgeous sunrise and nearly an hour of solitude at the summit, we were approached by an older man, Curtis. Curtis was handing out hats - these were not just regular hats. These hats are his personal project to spread random acts of kindness, they represent (per his handmade label) “the spirit of what humans can do to change the world.” These hats catalyze human connection. I’ve always believed that (most) people are in the world doing the best they can with what they’ve got. If your heart is open, if you extend your hand (hat in it or not), if you can meet people where they are, magic happens. My weekly impact calls, attending the Connection Lab, and hiking Sanitas gave me the space to breathe and to feel that again - admittedly, it’s been slow to come back since having children and the pandemic and I missed it. You all have reminded me that humans are magical, connecting with them is magical. Humans and their stories carry boundless beauty. As you move through your week this week, take a moment to sit with my favorite Connection Lab question “how connected do you feel in your life?”. If the answer is “not enough” I encourage you to check in with yourself and also give someone a phone call and say hello. 

Tasks finished this month: 

Full moon paddle boarding

Attend a Connection Lab

Hike Sanitas - summit before sunrise 

1 of 12 monthly date nights 

3 of 50 weekly impact calls

40 for 40: it’s going to be a BIG year.

When I told my boss about this challenge, the first question she asked was: “are you staving off a mid-life crisis?” My family genes have women living until close to 100 on both sides, so I’ll save the mid-life crisis for another decade - but her question did prompt me to dig much deeper into why I’m dedicating an entire year to random tasks. 

I’ve thought: maybe because Bryan and I are done building our family and the baby brain fog has finally started to lift or maybe it’s because I have more capacity because I’m off social media. Maybe it’s because I’m currently at a company that allows me emotional space to consider literally anything else besides the startup hustle. 

While all of that is true, the core of this challenge is really about lightness (because we could all use a little more right now, ya know?!) and optimism and connecting with friends and family. It’s about trying new things and being silly and being humbled and crying and belly laughs and big toothy smiles. It’s about experiencing the best parts of being human. 

The original challenge - as I heard it from a friend - was to accept tasks to complete. In true Katie fashion, I needed a connection point to others because that is ultimately what fuels my fire. So, I added my spin: submit a task that means something to you or something we can do together. 

And man, oh, man my people did NOT disappoint. I’ve got adventures of all sorts - some that make my belly tickle (as Maddie would say) from nerves, some that made me cry upon just receiving them, some that will bring me peace and reflective solitude, some that I can already feel the laughs coming out. I’ve shared the list with you all so you can see what I’ll be up to this year. I’ll also be posting regular updates on my progress if you’d like to follow along!

As you read through them, if any inspire you, please feel free to participate! There are a number of items with further detail which I’m happy to share if you’d like to join in. Life is more fun with a community!  

A VERY hearty thank you to those of you who submitted something. My life is so full because of you all. Here’s to 40 (and completing a task every 9.6something days)!